Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
GMPenguin's Automotive and Etc. Homepage -> GMPenguin's Automotive and Etc. Forums -> Members Lounge -> Rules for Women by Guys
Post Info TOPIC: Rules for Women by Guys
Kevin


GMPenguin

Status: Offline
Posts: 2925
Date:
Rules for Women by Guys
Permalink  

I got this in an email, so whatever.



  • Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

  • Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

  • Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

  • Crying is blackmail.

  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

  • If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

  • Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

  • ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

  • If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

  • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

  • Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

  • You have enough clothes.

  • You have too many shoes.

  • I am in shape. Round is a shape.


__________________
____________________ DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL, MY BRAIN IS CURRENTLY NOT FUNCTIONAL. MY EMPLOYER HAS BEEN NOTIFIED. AT THIS TIME, I HAVE NO WAY OF PREDICTING HOW LONG THIS ISSUE WILL TAKE TO CORRECT.
ifcar


Moderator

Status: Offline
Posts: 3951
Date:
Permalink  

Semi-related lists from I'm With Stupid, a humor book co-authored by a man and a woman humorist:

In an all-male world, there would be no:

-Potpourri, cologne, air fresheners, etc. "Fragrance"- an unknown concept.

-Bathtubs. Homes consist only of big, tiled rooms with hose couplings and drains in the middle. All chairs are plastic-covered recliners.

-Napkins, facial tissues, sponges, toilet paper, bath towels, potholders, and oven mitts. All replaced by paper towels sold in rolls the size of Roman columns.

-Padded clothes hangers. Clothes don't feel pain.

-Melba toast, tofu, puffed rice cakes. Food must possess a taste.

-Greeting cards. Just a note from me to say, no guy writes this sissy way.

-"Nice". Word does not exist.

-Melon ballers, butter pats with embossed designs, tea cozies, pillow shams, toilet brush caddies, bed skirts, tissue box covers. These are "nice" things.

-Vegetables. Most vitamin requirements met by pork products.

-Cups and glasses. All beverages consumed directly from container.

Plus, in an all-man world:

-Only female animals are neutered.

-In movie theaters, every other seat would be roped off so that no one could sit next to you.

-The only art form even faintly resembling ballet would be "the wave".

-Blow-up dalls would be considered acceptable dining companions if properly dressed.

-Masturbation would be a sacrament.

__________________
http://caranddriver.com/idealbb http://ifcar.net http://www.carspin.net/index.php I am IFCAR and I approve this message.
thewizard16


V-12

Status: Offline
Posts: 2813
Date:
Permalink  

I've read of few of these. All are funny, but I have a feeling that most of them are written by guys sitting around that are just bored.

__________________
-Matt
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
GMPenguin's Automotive and Etc. Homepage -> GMPenguin's Automotive and Etc. Forums -> Members Lounge -> Rules for Women by Guys
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard